Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
