I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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