In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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