I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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