Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
