my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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