Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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