Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize