Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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