His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
