Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
