i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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