how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
