You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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