Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
