My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
