I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
