I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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