Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
