just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
