he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
