Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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