This is not my ceiling
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
