dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
