my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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