for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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