cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
