So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
