My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
