I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
