Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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