I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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