question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
