So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
