My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
