I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize