I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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