i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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