It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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