so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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