Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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