You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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