I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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