Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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