I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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