I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
