I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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