the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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