i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
