That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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