i need an iv and a liver transplant
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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