i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
