I got chris browned last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
