D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
