Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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