Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
