Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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