so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
