When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I forget how to act sober
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
