You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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