Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
