every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
