I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
