On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
