Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
