What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
