The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
