I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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