sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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