Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
