I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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