i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
