just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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