.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is my gift to your gina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
