SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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