I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
