i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
